Skeletons and untruths
by DragonRyuuji
Summary: After carrying Ellie out of the hospital, Joel takes her back to Tommy's town. They settle down there to live a more peaceful life, but Joel is haunted by the ghosts of his past, and Ellie can't see past the skeletons he's obviously hiding in his closet. Will they be forced to dig up things that should remain buried? (Rated M for violence, language and so on.)
1. Settling in

Just outside of Jackson City, Missouri, one could find a hydroelectric dam. Smart creation, they were. Able to give power to an entire town, even after the theoretical end of the world had taken place. And in this town, there were people. Not a whole lot, but enough to create a community. Families, living in houses that had been assigned to them by their leader, Maria. Before they'd managed to return the power to the town, they'd all been holed up in the dam itself, but they all moved out once they fixed up the generators. They had a system for everything. Engineers working the plant to make sure it kept going. Guards, keeping watch for infected and hunters. Everything was okay. At least as okay as it could get.

On that particular day, the sun was shining on the town, giving light to the streets and warmth to the people. It had been a tough winter, that was for sure. But the winter was over now, and everything was much easier. Maria was out in the streets doing a little inspection. Sure, it sounded scary, but it was the kind of inspection she really enjoyed. Just going around, asking people if they were having a good day.

"You take care, Julie," Maria said to the woman who smiled and waved at her before going to meet up with her children. Julie's family was one of the families they'd picked up on their last supply run. The number of people in town was growing, and Maria couldn't see that as anything else but good. They were helping people, and it felt amazing. And that was when she heard the shout from one of the roofs at the outskirts of town.

"Supply group returning! Separate the chain-link fence!" The guard shouted. They had fences set up around the perimeter. They knew very well that it wouldn't do anything to keep hunters out, but the infected would have a little more trouble getting through, seeing as how they didn't really know how to open things.

"Tommy," Maria said with a smile and started half jogging towards the place where they'd be coming through. She saw her husband and some other guys from town riding in on their horses, and the guards closed up the fence again.

"Hey, dear," he said with a big smile as he hopped off the horse and walked over to give his wife a kiss. "How's things?"

"All's good," she smiled, a hand on Tommy's shoulder. "Did you get anything?"

"Got ourselves quite the buck, but we're going to have to bring some more guys if we're going to be able to carry it back here without ruining the skin and everything." He said, looking back at the guys he'd brought with him earlier.

"Well, why don't you boys just get ready and I'll fetch some more people?" Maria suggested, and he nodded gratefully. She took off to find some more people they could bring with them, but she could still hear the guards shouting again. What was it now? It sounded like something was wrong.

"H-Hey!" The guard shouted, and Maria turned to Tommy who could still see her. He waved her off, as if telling her he'd take care of it. She swallowed the big lump in the throat and kept moving. She could no longer hear the guards now, and she tried to find some more people to bring.

"You stop it right there! One more step and I'll shoot!" The guard on the roof shouted, but Tommy just chuckled heartily.

"Lower your guns," he said loudly, before approaching the fence. "Well, I'll be damned. You made it back."

"Sure did," Joel said from the other side of the fence, patting the shoulder of the girl next to him. From Tommy's point of view, she didn't look too happy. She was probably just tired.

"Here, help me with this." Tommy said to one of the guards and pointed at the fence. They pulled it to the side and let Joel and Ellie in before closing it up again. "It's good to see ya, big brother," he laughed as he gave the man a hug.

"Good to see you too, Tommy." Joel grinned.

"And you too, young woman. Good to see you're in one piece." He smiled as he ruffled Ellie's hair. She didn't do anything but look annoyed. "Looks like Joel here took good care of you."

"Guess so," Ellie mumbled. Tommy chuckled nervously before looking back at Joel.

"Hey, look... you wouldn't mind helping me out with some stuff, would you?"

When Maria returned with a few more men for Tommy, she saw the two new people that had arrived. She was surprised, to say the least.

"Joel? Ellie!" She exclaimed, jogging forwards to give Ellie a hug. "It's so good to see you again."

"Maria, wanna take Ellie in to town, get'er settled in? We're going out for the buck." Tommy said as he was fixing the rifle strap on his shoulder.

"Uh, sure thing. You boys be careful." She said, and then she was leading Ellie back into town. Quite the short reunion, she noted.

"So," Tommy said as they made their way by foot into the forest. "You made it back in one piece. How'd it go?"

"Oh, it's a... a long story," Joel huffed, not really in the mood to lie to his brother at that moment. "Long story short... Ellie being immune hasn't done the world any good."

"So it's a dead end, huh? That why the girl's so somber lookin'?"

"Yeah... I think she feels as if what she's done has been for nothin'... or somethin' like that." Joel sighed. He couldn't tell anyone what he'd done. It'd ruin his relationship with Ellie, and he didn't want that. She mattered more to him than anything. That's not how he'd pictured Ellie before, but now, she was his reason for living. The one thing that made clinging to humanity worth it. Even if it was all based on a lie, Joel would make it work. He knew he could.

"So, how's the town coming along?" Joel asked, his voice strained as they cooperated to lift the buck above the ground to carry it back.

"It's going really good," Tommy said, heaving a little with his breath. "We're growin' in numbers, too. We're still in the middle of mapping out the town. Lots of cellars and underground places we haven't checked out. Probably some infected that needs to be cleared outta there."

"I'm sure I can help you with that," Joel said, taking a little pause before looking over at Tommy. "That is, if you still have space for the two of us."

Tommy laughed. "Yeah, 'course we do, brother. I've actually had a place held off for you in case you came back. And you did."

...

The days passed. Ellie was still mostly quiet. She sometimes looked like she was somewhere else. Not in the same world as Joel, getting lost in her own space of thoughts and memories. Joel didn't know what to do about it, but he'd decided to give her some space for the time being. Maybe she just needed some time to recover after everything that had happened.

Joel was really helping out in the town. Using his skills as a carpenter from before the outbreak, he helped rebuild some damaged buildings, and even helped making a guard-tower. He knew it'd take a while to get it finished, seeing as how it wasn't exactly easy to get materials, but it was coming along. After one week, it had already started to look a bit like a tower.

"Sure is warm today," Joel said after he hammered in another nail. He wiped some sweat from his forehead with the back of his arm and looked up at the sun, shielding his eyes from the strong light with his hand.

"Damn right," The woman named Joanne said. Joanne was good with tools, Joel could see that much. They'd been working together on the tower for the past two days. They'd talked a bit more with each day, but none of them really said all that much. And it went on like that for another two days, until the day where the sky was grey.

"Think we might be getting some rain today," Joanne sighed. "I think we should get as much done as we can before it comes pourin'."

"Agreed," Joel said from up above, in the middle of hammering in a support beam.

"Say, Joel," Joanne started, and Joel didn't bother turning to her as she talked. He could still hear her, after all. "That girl I saw you come in with... I haven't seen her much. She your daughter?" She asked curiously, making Joel stop what he was doing for a while.

"Well, you're not completely wrong," he huffed, shrugging a little where he hung from the edge of a plank. Joanne didn't really understand how someone as old as him could hammer in a beam whilst hanging by one arm from a plank. It was quite something. "I see her as my own... pretty much."

"I see," Joanne nodded, and before she could say anything, the rain came. They said their goodbyes and headed back to their respective homes. Joel opened the door to the little house they'd gotten. It was quite amazing... a house. Not just a tiny apartment, but a little house. It felt like home. And with his own will, Joel had made it his home. If he believed it was, it really was. He'd settled in. Together with family. Okay, so they only had the first floor of the house. But for just the two of them, they didn't need anything else. He walked over to Ellie's room and knocked on the door. He got a little mumble in reply and figured he was allowed to open the door. He saw Ellie sitting by the worn-down desk she had, scribbling something. That's what she did most of the time those days. Writing or drawing. But Joel didn't know what it was she was making.

"Hey, Ellie," Joel said in a low voice. He still wasn't sure how to talk to her. "I'm home."

"I know," she mumbled, too preoccupied with her scribbling to really care about Joel being back. He sighed and left the room, closing the door behind himself.

...

There was this feeling inside of her. This dark lump in her stomach that made her feel so weak all the time. It had been there after Riley died, but then she met Joel, and it had gone away after a while. Even after all the crap she'd been through, it had been gone. But after the hospital, and after the fireflies, it was back. She wasn't really sure why. Joel had told her what happened. That's that. But something just didn't sit right with her. Yet she had no idea what it was. Once Joel had closed the door again, she'd sighed loudly. She could barely look at him lately. She just didn't know why.

She'd been remembering... bits and pieces of what had happened at the hospital. As if she'd sometimes slightly awoken from her anesthesia. She looked down at her book. She wasn't exactly the best at drawing, but one could definitely see what it was she was _trying _to make. And she'd been getting better, too. There was a man there, and he held something in his arms. A girl in a hospital gown. Ellie still didn't understand why Joel had carried her out instead of just waiting until she woke up, or why he acted as if she was this precious treasure that he'd protect with his own life.

That night, Ellie heard the sounds through the walls. Joel was shifting and panting and groaning. She was old enough to understand what it could be, but she also knew Joel enough to know what it actually was. Night terrors. He'd started having them after they returned to Jackson County. She hated it. She hated that he had to be so messed up, especially now that everything was supposed to be fine for the first time in so long.

She heard the gasp that typically came when he woke up, and then the shuffling as he got to his feet to go to the kitchen or whatever.

"Jeez, old man," she mumbled, hugging her pillow closely. "You're kinda fucked up, aren't you?"

...

"Ellie! We're doin' some exploration work today, wanna come with us?" Joel asked from the kitchen.

"I think I wanna clean this place up a little today!" Ellie replied from the living room, shuffling about to find a bucket or something.

"Alright!" Joel said as he went to get his shoes before going into the little storage room they had to get his weapons. He brought a silenced pistol, a bow and his backpack. He'd be with plenty other people, so it shouldn't be a problem to pack lightly. He met up with Tommy and some other guys and girls, and they went down into a sewage system. It seemed empty for the most part, but they kept moving. They had to make sure they knew everything about the town they were in, and that nothing dangerous was lurking down there.

"Ah, shit," Joel said in a thick dialect as he saw the spores show up in the light from his flashlight. "Spores." He said loudly, and they all put on their gasmasks. One of the men had a flamethrower.

"If we find the fungus growth, we can burn it down and eventually the spores will die." He said, his voice a bit muffled from the mask. Joel nodded slowly before propping up his bow and arrow just in case. Where there were spores, there could also be infected. And just as he thought, they heard the sounds after a while.

"Get down," Tommy whispered, and everyone crouched down. "Me and Joel will go check it out first," he said, and the two of them crept forwards, checking around the dark corner. There were two runners, groaning and hissing where they stood. The brothers nodded at each other. Joel spun his bow and aimed at the head of the first runner. Tommy snuck up behind the other one, and as soon as he raised his knife to stab its neck, Joel shot his in the head. Easy and effective.

They burnt all the fungus they could find and then returned to the surface.

"Job well done, everyone," Tommy smiled at the others. There was a man there, named Steve, who had a question.

"Was that what was left?" He asked, furrowing his brows a little as if he didn't really believe that it could have been that easy.

"There are several other sewer sections throughout town, so we don't really know what's waitin' for us down there. But we're gonna take that some other day. Y'all got the rest of the day off, go on now." He chuckled. They all smiled and left to do something else, whilst Joel stayed behind. "So..." Tommy started, looking at Joel questioningly. "How are things with you and Ellie?"

"I... I'm not sure," Joel sighed. "She's kinda distant, but... I guess she has some sort of teenage depression or something like that." He said, shrugging his shoulders a little.

"Well, I wouldn't doubt it. It's a rough world we live in." Tommy said, putting his hands in his pockets. "What do you think about her? Like, answer me honestly."

"I'm... I'm not sure, Tommy. I think that... part of me wants to be her father. I mean, in some way, that seems like the best way to think of it. She needs someone to look after her, so why not a real parent?"

"I'd be careful, if I were you," Tommy mumbled.

"What was that?" Joel asked, frowning deeply.

"I said, I'd be careful if I were you. If you indulge yourself too much in those thoughts, thinking you're her dad and all... I don't know man, I wouldn't want you to remind yourself too much of the past." He said, trying to sound reasonable.

"And why's that, huh? Why's the past such a big problem?" Joel growled, about to get angry. Brothers do fight, after all.

"Hey, just think about it for a second, big brother. You've raised two people in your life. You raised me, and you raised Sarah. Neither situation turned out too good."

"Tommy! You'd better watch what you say." Joel said angrily, taking a step closer to his brother.

"You remember just as well as I do that our relationship was messed up when our parents weren't there anymore. It didn't work out for either of us. And you weren't exactly-"

"Weren't what?!"

"_You weren't exactly the best father for Sarah._" He said, venom in his voice as he spoke. "And you know it damn well yourself, so if you remind yourself too much of that, who knows what'll happen? You gonna get guilty about what happened to Sarah and let that out on Ellie?"

"You shut that mouth of yours!" Joel exclaimed. "I was a young, lonely father, and I had to work my ass off to earn the money I needed to take care of Sarah! I wasn't there for her because I simply didn't have the chance!"

"And you do now?"

"It's the end of the world, Tommy! I've got all the time in the world!" He growled, and then he turned on his heel and left.

"Careful, big brother," Tommy sighed under his breath. "Shouldn't go tearin' up old memories like that. Bad stuff will happen."

...

A part of Joel knew that Tommy was right. If he let himself believe that Ellie was family, he'd just be reminded of Sarah. Of all the shit they went through, and of losing her. And that's why he had those dreams. He'd pushed himself too close to the old, bad memories, and they triggered something inside of him. Something he couldn't control, a darkness that would eat away at him from the inside. So he woke up every damn night with sweaty palms and a pounding heart. He bore something heavy on his shoulders. The blame of killing all those people and leaving mankind to rot, just for one girl. And now she was his responsibility, and he absolutely couldn't let that shatter. He did what he did for him and Ellie, and if that broke, then it would have been for nothing.

"Seriously," Ellie said from the opening of the door, and Joel jumped a bit in surprise. He turned to look at her. She stood there with a long t-shirt covering her bare thighs, a tired look on her face. "This shit needs to stop, Joel. We can't keep doing this. _I _can't keep doing this if I can't know what's bothering you."

"Ellie..."

"You're a fucking mess. Sort your shit out. I don't care how, just find a way. If you don't, I will. I think you got some skeletons in your closet, Joel, and I also think it's time you faced them." She said with an annoyed tone to her voice.

"Ellie, everything's fine as it is. I don't have any skeletons-"

"Of course you have fucking skeletons, Joel. You're an ancient man. You've murdered people in cold blood. Of _course _you have skeletons. Probably from before this shit even started. Before the outbreak." She said. She clenched her fists by her side. "If you can't face the ghosts that's haunting you... if you can't pull yourself together and stop beating yourself up about all the shit in your past, I'm not sure how we're supposed to keep this up."

Joel sighed heavily. Hiding things from Ellie wasn't easy. She might not have known why he was feeling that way, but she knew that something was wrong. It impressed Joel, really. No one had been able to see through him before. Not like that. "My problems... are my problems." Joel said slowly. "I can deal with'em on my own. They don't affect you, because I'll still protect you like I always have, and I'll-"

"Bullshit! Damn right they affect me!" Ellie suddenly exclaimed, waving her arms about. "You're shutting everything inside, Joel! Do you have any idea how fucked up that is? You're like a time bomb!"

Rubbing his eyes tiredly, Joel let out a groan. "I'm not hurtin' anyone but myself."

"Seeing you...!" Ellie started, clenching her fist in front of herself. "Seeing you like this..." She mumbled, her voice suddenly low as she turned her back at him to leave the room. "Seeing you like this makes me fucking sick. It's pathetic."

Yeah, Joel thought. Something had to be done.


	2. Restless nights

It had been one week since Ellie had walked into Joel's room in the middle of the night. One week since she'd told Joel he had to figure out what was wrong and do something about it. And to some extent, Joel had tried, but to no avail. Ellie had decided to give him some time. She knew she'd been harsh with him, but she also knew that he couldn't just suddenly get better. So she'd give him some time, but if that didn't work, she knew she had to step in.

She had eventually decided to figure what the problem could be. That obviously wouldn't be very easy, but there was one person who might know. And she was going to ask him when she got the chance.

After that first week had passed, the realization of what Joel was doing struck Ellie. He was out from the early hours of the day until night came along, working together with Tommy to clear out the undergrounds of all the infected. She'd even overheard Tommy telling Joel to take a break, but he'd flat out said no. He was trying to distance himself from the thoughts that bothered him, and Ellie's initial reaction to that was a gentle but annoyed, "God fucking damnit, that's not good."

That day, she had decided to find Tommy. It was one of the days they weren't working underground with anything, after all. Joel was in the middle of opening some canned food whilst Ellie pulled her shoes on. She was still having trouble getting used to the fact that they were free to take off their shoes inside. She could walk around in her socks, or bare feet for that matter. And it was _amazing_.

"Hey, Joel. I'm heading out for a walk." Ellie said, pulling up one of the sleeves on her shirt. She'd been walking sometimes, too. Her excuse for that was that, considering they weren't constantly on the move anymore, she didn't get any exercise. Which was actually why she usually walked, too.

"You sure you don't want some food first?" Joel asked, frowning a little as he held up a can. Ellie shook her head and faked a grin.

"The food tastes a lot better when I'm exhausted."

"Fair enough," Joel said, and Ellie left the house. She started walking through the streets, where she could see people walking about as usual. She asked around if anyone had seen Tommy, but it looked like she'd have to go searching on her own.

"Man, it's hot," she groaned as her eyes skimmed the area for any sign of Joel's brother. Just walking around in the town felt nice, though. Peaceful. No fear of imminent death, which was a feeling Ellie hadn't felt for a long time. Not that she felt particularly scared out there, either. Not together with Joel. But this was even safer.

After walking for a while, she found Tommy talking to some people from the town. "Hey, Tommy?" Ellie asked, and he turned to face her. "Do you, uh… have a minute?"

"Sure," he smiled, turning back to the two men he was talking to. "I'll be back soon." He said and walked over to Ellie, who nudged her head a little to signal that she wanted to talk in private. He nodded hesitantly before they distanced themselves from the other people. Ellie and Tommy hadn't really talked all that much, but they seemed to have some sort of mutual understanding for each other. Maybe one they'd gotten through Joel.

"I'll just get right to the point," Ellie said as Tommy leaned on a wall in the alley they stood in. "What's up with Joel?"

"Waddya mean?" Tommy frowned questioningly. Ellie sighed deeply and rubbed her arm. She wasn't even sure if Tommy had noticed anything about Joel. Maybe she was the only one who noticed.

"He's acting weird. And he… he has all these night terrors. I just, I wanted to like… know why." She mumbled. She could easily see the realization in Tommy's eyes. He obviously knew something.

"Damn, that's not good," he sighed, looking to the side as if trying to make sure no one was listening. "Look, I'm telling you this because you're the one closest to him. Now I know that sounds a bit stupid, but brothers or not, me and Joel aren't as close as the two of you are. Y'all are like corn on the cob."

"Like corn on the… what?"

"It's… nevermind. Just listen. Joel seems like a cold guy, I know that. Want to know why?"

"Why?" Ellie asked curiously.

"Well, because he _is_ pretty fuggin' cold, but that's not my point here. Ever since the outbreak, Joel has been professional. He's getting old, but he's one of the best damn killers I ever seen out there. He knows how to get a job done." Tommy said, as if it was a matter of fact.

"Okay? So?" Ellie frowned. She knew that much. She'd seen him out in the field, and his skills were definitely not those of a normal guy.

"So… his job's done now, Ellie. He finished his job, and he's free to linger on old feelings. I remember this one time," Tommy hummed, trying to remember something. "Must've been damn near 15 years ago now. This little had come wanderin' in from outside the quarantine zone. We just happened to be close to the gates, you know? Anyways, what happened was… the guards had him checked out, made sure he wasn't infected or anything like that… but we saw him stumblin' in, and apparently the kid had been badly hurt by hunters."

"Damn," Ellie huffed. "So, what happened to him?"

"Well, somethin' sparked inside of Joel. I mean, this was five or so years after the outbreak, so I think he cared a lot more back then. But he'd effectively shut out every single memory he had about Sarah, but seeing this little boy all beaten up… it triggered something inside of him. I think he wanted to protect the kid." Tommy sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Point is, it really messed him up. Even after we never saw the kid again, Joel wasn't the same for weeks afterwards. He woke up every damn night, covered in his own sweat. He mumbled in his sleep, all that stuff."

"I see… damn, that's kinda fucked up, isn't it? Anyways, thanks Tommy."

…

That night, Ellie was too warm. Not the usual having to kick off your blankets warm, but so warm that she physically couldn't stand it. She lay on her bed in nothing but her underwear. She'd read in a magazine that when girls got older they had to wear bras when they slept. "Fucking christ, I'm glad I'm still a kid," she mumbled, looking down at her practically flat chest. She laughed a bit at herself for even thinking such silly thoughts. But then, her mind wandered to Joel. There was a question she'd been asking herself the past few days. She really cared about the guy, that's something she'd come to learn during their time together. And that's why she wondered why she was so mad at him all the time. She'd even called him pathetic. But eventually she'd come to a conclusion that actually made sense.

_I just care too much about him, don't I? He's practically the only person I can trust properly, so it's no wonder I get so easily disappointed with him._

That's what she told herself. But she realized how selfish it was, too. As if he had to be perfect and indestructible for her to actually appreciate him.

…

The next day, Joel went along with the others on a short supply run that would only last the day. When they reached the next town, they heard the voices in the streets.

"Hunters," A man named Christopher whispered. They all crouched down and hid behind whatever they could. Joel and a woman named Marcy went together around one of the buildings, planning to sneak up on some of them. Marcy was, according to Tommy, their most stealthy member. They came up to a backdoor that was slightly open. Joel listened closely.

"Sounds like there are two people inside," he whispered to Marcy. They pushed the door open a bit, lucky that it didn't creak, and they made their way inside. They saw two guys leaned over a bar-counter, searching for anything useful.

"This must be our lucky day!" One of them yelled, pulling a half full bottle of scotch out from underneath the counter. The two of them laughed loudly and started drinking from the bottle, obviously trying to hide that from the others. Joel and Marcy crept closer to them, and Marcy handed him a pair of sharp scissors she'd found. Herself, she had a knife. They nodded to each other and then they sprung up and stabbed one man each, effectively tearing their carotid arteries and jugular veins in half.

Luckily for all of them, there weren't that many hunters in town, and in not long, they were all dead. They started gathering all the supplies they could find, and when they were on their way back, Tommy came up to Joel.

"Hey, Joel," he said as he caught up to him. "I know I usually say not to bring anything we don't need, but… I found this, thought you might want it." He said as he handed Joel what he'd found. Joel couldn't help himself from smiling a little.

"Thanks… long time since I saw one of these." He chuckled.

"Yeah, I figured Ellie might like it too." Tommy smiled. Joel was silent for a moment.

"Yeah… bet she would." He mumbled. Tommy didn't say anything about knowing what was going on.

…

That night was just the same as the last one. Ellie was too warm to function. She was thinking again, just like the night before, about Joel and his problems. She wondered if this was the same case as that time Tommy had told him about. A child in danger, reminding him of Sarah. But it didn't make any sense. Ellie wasn't in danger. Unless…

"No," She mumbled, shaking her head. She still didn't remember what happened at the hospital. Part of her didn't want to know, either. She didn't want to think that she was the reason Joel was feeling the way he was feeling.

She tried to shut all the thoughts out. She just wanted to sleep. Her window was open, and finally, a cold breeze blew through the town. She could feel the coolness against her naked skin, tickling her arms and legs, trying to get through to her incredibly warm body. The breeze gently lulled her until she felt drowsy. She couldn't really tell if she was awake or not. She could hear something in the distance, but she didn't know what it was. A light strumming, maybe? It all felt quite unreal. She could hear a faint humming. It was his voice. Joel. Was she dreaming of him? No way…

She awoke suddenly, her eyes flickering open. All of a sudden, she was too cold. She got up and closed her window and pulled a long t-shirt over her head. And then she realized that the sound was still there. She got up as quietly as she could and snuck out of her room, her bare feet silently making their way across the floor. She peaked around the corner, and that's when she saw it. Joel sat on the couch in his boxers and a t-shirt he used to sleep in. His eyes were tired, but he wasn't sleeping. He was picking away at a six-string acoustic guitar, the soft music filling the room.

It was obvious that he hadn't played for a while, but he did seem to remember a few things about how to play a guitar. Ellie didn't really realize that she was staring, still just peeking around the corner with the rest of her body pressed against the wall. Joel started humming again, along with the music he was playing.

"Oh, I followed…" He sang hoarsely, and lowly as to not wake Ellie. "Close behind her… Tried to hold up and be brave," he continued, "But I could not hide my sorrow, when they laid her in the grave…"

Ellie let out a soft gasp without really realizing it. He was singing. It didn't sound like he was doing his best, but he was singing. Ellie had joked a lot about wanting to hear that, but she really meant it too. The music Joel play soothed her, and for a moment, it felt like everything would be okay. But Joel had heard her gasp and abruptly stopped playing.

"Ellie?" He asked, his eyes looking for her in the darkness. Her fingers curled against the wall, and she slowly took a step into the room. Joel saw her first when he noticed her bare legs, more visible than her almost completely black shirt. The way the soft fabric of her shirt clung to her skin made her look so little and fragile. "Ellie, what are you doing up?"

"I couldn't sleep," she started, but her voice could barely be heard. She cleared her throat a little. "Continue…" She murmured.

"What?" Joel asked with a frown.

"That was… that was really nice, Joel. I wanna hear more."

Joel sighed and shook his head. "Some other time, Ellie." He mumbled. Ellie was right. He didn't want to open up. After all, his singing was something that had been important to him before. Ellie didn't even say anything, she just turned and started heading back towards her room. "Ellie," Joel said, and she stopped in her tracks.

"What is it?" She asked as she turned back to him.

"There's somethin' you need to know. Come here, sit." He said, patting the couch next to him as he sat the guitar down on the floor. Ellie hesitated for a bit before she hopped onto the couch and pulled her shirt as far over her knees as she could. "I'm leavin'." Joel said simply. Ellie took a moment to process what he'd said before she perked up, staring at him with big eyes.

"You're… what?" She asked, and she looked completely dumbfounded.

"I'm leaving in the morning. I've talked to Tommy about it, and he understands that it's something I have to do." He said in a low tone, trying to be straight forwards about it.

"When the fuck were you planning on telling me? I need some time to prepare, you know."

"You're not comin' with me." Joel said, and before Ellie could argue, he cut her off. "That's what I thought at first. I wanted you to be safe, here, with Tommy. I felt that you needed a safe environment until I came back."

"Wait, you're not leaving for good? No, that doesn't even matter! I can't believe you were planning on leaving without-"

"Listen to me, Ellie. I'm doing what you told me to do. I'm facing the skeletons in my closet. I don't know if you want to be part of that. But I told you this now, because I know you, Ellie. You're just a kid, but damnit, you're all grown up aren't you? You can make your own choices. I just want what's best for you." Joel sighed. At first, leaving Ellie behind had been a completely stupid idea in his head. He needed her, but he also thought that… as long as he knew she was safe, it would be okay.

"I am safe." Ellie said quietly, her eyes fixed on her toes. She sat like that for a moment before turning back to Joel. "I'm safe, Joel, with you." She uttered, pushing her palm against his chest. "I know that you can keep me safe. And I know I've been harsh lately, and that I expect too much out of you, but… I couldn't handle losing you. You're all I have."

"Well I'm not exactly in the best state of mind to take care of you," Joel huffed, but Ellie shook her head.

"I trust you. And I'm coming with you. But… where are we going?"

"We're going to dig up some things from my past."


	3. Catching a Ride

Leaving. It was a weird concept. You pick up your stuff, and you go away. It's the process of leaving something behind, something you've been part of before. Leaving doesn't have to be permanent. It doesn't have to be a sort of abandonment. Through Ellie's life, she'd never really felt like she'd left or abandoned anything. In the kind of world they lived in, nothing was forever. Nothing was permanent, so she never really felt like she was leaving something more than she was simply going somewhere else. But this time was different. Joel had made that quite clear, actually.

"_I'm leavin'."_

Ellie hadn't really started feeling all at home in Jackson City yet, so for her, leaving wasn't all that bad. Again, she was just going somewhere else, like always. But there were a few things she didn't want to leave behind. Some things she couldn't wait to come back to once they came back from their journey. She wasn't sure where they were going, but Joel had told her they were digging up something from his past. He'd probably tell her where before they actually got there.

One of the things she didn't want to leave was something she'd decided to say properly goodbye to. "Hey, Joel," she said after they had agreed that she could come with him. "I'm gonna miss my bed. And I'm gonna miss sleeping in my fucking undies."

"Okay, Ellie," Joel chuckled, seeming a bit flustered about her blatant honesty. She tended to be like that. At least the mood was a little lighter.

"No, seriously. It's the first time in my life I've had the chance to sleep there in all my glory-"

"Ellie."

"With my tits all out-"

"Ellie, come on."

"It's amazing."

"Yeah. I get it, Ellie. Good for you."

"Thanks!" Ellie beamed. "My point is, if I have your permission, I'll go back to sleep and enjoy my bed one last time."

"Sure, go ahead," Joel laughed, and she returned to her room and slept peacefully. Joel did not.

…

That morning, Ellie was packing her stuff. She couldn't exactly bring a lot, but when Tommy had dropped by, he said they didn't have to worry about their stuff.

"I'll keep this place empty," he said, earning a little smile from Joel. "You'll be back. You always come back, right? So don't worry about that, your stuff's safe. Guitar, too."

"Yeah… would've brought the damn thing if I didn't have to have a rifle on my back." Joel sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. Tommy could see the dark lines under his eyes, knowing he probably hadn't slept at all.

"I'll be at the gates to see you off, alright?" Tommy said, and then he left. Ellie was in her room, finishing up some stuff. She put her book and some comics into her backpack and made sure to bring some pencils. She had no idea when she'd come across a new one. She found an old shoebox that she put some things in. To her, it was a sort of promise. Both to herself and Joel. A promise she had to come back to. She slid the box under the bed once she'd gotten everything in there, and then she left her room.

"Here," Joel said, handing her a can of food. "Better get some of that in you before we get goin'," he told her, and she ate the whole thing. She didn't want to get hungry before they'd even started moving. That entire morning just went so quickly to her. Almost like a blur of motion and preparing and no time to think at all. Joel said it was to spare as much daylight as possible.

"Hey, Joel?" Ellie asked as they stood in front of the door, all ready to leave. "This is going to be like it's always been, isn't it? We're going out there… killing people, the whole deal… right?"

"I'm afraid so," Joel mumbled, giving her a sympathetic look. "You can still change your mind, you know. You can still stay."

"No," Ellie mumbled, shaking her head. "No, I want to come with you."

"If you say so," Joel replied. "So, you ready to go? Do you have everything you need?"

"I'm good to go," Ellie said, but Joel could hear the stroke of hesitation in her voice. He nodded slowly, patting her shoulder before leaving the house. She followed close behind him, and they went towards the gates.

"Look at you, all nice and clean," Maria laughed when Ellie and Joel arrived at the chain-link fences. Ellie looked down at her clean clothes and rubbed her own cheeks that were practically shining.

"No shit," Ellie huffed. "We actually have time to bath around here. I'll take every fucking chance I get to feel like a person who doesn't live in a pile of dirt."

Without any warning, Maria kneeled down in front of Ellie and cupped her cheek in her hand. "You deserve a better life than this." She said with a sad tone to her voice. "You should have lived in a normal world… you're such a pretty, young girl, Ellie. I'm sure all the boys would love you."

"Hell, maybe even the girls, too," Tommy added with a chuckle. Ellie was kind of dumbfounded, a surprised blush on her face. Blushing was something she never did, so that was new. "Look, we got somethin' for you." Tommy said, pulling a box out of his pocket. He handed it to Ellie, and she looked it over.

"What is this?" She asked, furrowing her brows a little. Joel looked over and immediately recognized the type of box it was.

"Open it," Joel smiled, and Ellie did as he told. Inside was a metal piece. She wasn't sure what it was, but she was sure she'd seen something similar before. "That's a harmonica. You make music with it."

"We figured you might want something to learn while you're travelling," Maria smiled, a hand on Ellie's shoulder.

"Considering Joel couldn't bring his guitar and all. He ever sing to you, Ellie?" Tommy asked, apparently trying to say as much as possible before they left. Maybe he didn't want them to leave.

"Uhm," Ellie uttered, hesitating a little. She looked at Joel, who almost looked apologetic. "No. No, he hasn't."

"That's too bad," Tommy huffed. "You should tell him to. He might not look it, but he used to love music when we were younger."

"Yeah, he told me," Ellie said, a small smile on her lips. It was weird to think that they'd be out on the road again soon.

"Look, Joel," Tommy said, handing him some sort of a bag. "One town over, there's a car scrapyard." He said as Joel took the bag from him, seeming to be curious about what it was. "There's a car there, black pickup truck… It was only missing a few parts, you'll see which ones… they're right there." He told him, pointing at the bag. "Just get those in, and the car should be good to go."

"Really? You sure you don't need this yourself?" Joel asked. Tommy always had been helpful, even though they'd fought a lot in the past. Joel never knew how to thank him, either.

"No, big brother," Tommy chuckled. "I'm not going anywhere, am I? You take it. We stuck a note to the inside of the windshield, so it should be easy to figure out which one it is."

"Thank you, Tommy." Joel said, giving his brother a hug. "Now we'll be back, alright? Some day, we'll come back."

"You'd better," Maria said, rolling her eyes a little before laughing. "I can't wait to see this one again," she said, giving Ellie's clean hair a good ruffle.

"So, which way you takin'? Going through Kansas?" Tommy asked.

"I'm thinking we cut right through Oklahoma. Should be a bit quicker."

"Yeah, sounds like a good idea. But be careful, alright? Oklahoma's known for its vast amount of hunters." Warned Tommy, a bit of a grim look on his face. Joel nodded. He knew that, of course. They'd passed through once, and it didn't exactly pay of nicely. After talking for a short while, they all said goodbye to each other and then Joel and Ellie were on their way. They walked for quite some time before they started getting close to the scrapyard Tommy had told them about. Joel had started spacing out for some reason, and it took him way longer than expected to notice the horrid sounds coming from Ellie's direction.

"What hell are you doin'?" He asked as he snapped back into a more present state of mind, his head having turned to observe the girl next to him. She stopped "playing" the harmonica and looked up at him.

"I'm playing, what does it look like?" She retorted, frowning at the old man.

"Well, it's even worse than your goddamn whistlin', that's for sure." He grumbled, shaking his head in dismay as his eyes yet again fixed themselves on the road in front of them. The sun was hot on his skin, and even rolling up his sleeves didn't help a lot.

"I highly doubt you knew how to play a guitar the first time you picked one up," Ellie huffed, still trying to figure out how to properly play the thing in her hands apart from just blowing mercilessly into it.

"Well, as a matter of fact, I did!" Joel exclaimed with a little grin on his face, and Ellie just stuck her tongue out.

"Haha, that's real fun. You're a blast, Joel." She deadpanned. Joel simply shook his head with a little chuckle.

"'Course I didn't. It takes a while, you know? You'll probably get it down eventually, just… try not to blow up my eardrums in the meantime." He said, and Ellie couldn't help herself from chuckling.

"Maybe I should do just that!" She stated, and then blew into the instrument with all her might, harming no one's ears except her own. "Ouch, that was uncomfortable…"

"That's what you get," Joel mumbled. Neither of them really knew where they stood in their relationship at the time being. There had definitely been some very uncomfortable tension between them after Ellie had given him a hard time about his dreams, and Joel couldn't really tell if she was still pissed at him or not. He wouldn't be surprised if she actually was, but she was damn good at hiding it.

"Joel, check this out," Ellie said after a while, pointing at a sign. It read "Scrapyard – 500 meters".

"We're getting close. I'd stash away that harmonica for now, if I were you. We never know what's there." He advised, and she didn't really hesitate to do as he said.

"So, what are you expecting? Hunters? Infected?"

"The trick, Ellie, is to expect absolutely everything at once. That way you're never disappointed." Said Joel simply. Ellie rolled her eyes.

"That's a pretty morbid fucking way of looking at it." She mumbled. They kept walking in the direction the sign had pointed them, and it didn't take them long to get to the scrapyard. Unfortunately for them, there was a big gate, and it was locked. "Well, on the bright side," Ellie stated, hands on her hips as she looked up at the gate, "There probably aren't any hunters in here!"

"No, I can't remember Tommy sayin' anything about this being locked when they were here. I think the best thing to do is to definitely expect someone to be in here." Joel said, walking up to inspect the gate. They definitely wouldn't be able to get it open from the outside. "Let's look around, see what we can find. And Ellie?"

"Yeah?"

"Keep your gun in your hand." Joel said without really wanting to say it. It was a necessary precaution. They started circling around the facilities. The entire thing was covered with a high chain-link fence, and they had no means to cut it open with. After circling it for a little while longer, they found a hole in the fence.

"I can crawl through here." Ellie said, already in the middle of crouching down.

"And how do you s'pose I'll get in?" Joel frowned, which left Ellie thinking.

"I can go around and unlock the gate from the inside?" She asked, and she could already see the disapproval in Joel's eyes. "Look, if I see anyone at all, I'll pull back, alright? I'm not taking any chances." She reassured him, and he sighed heavily.

"Alright. But promise me that you won't do anything stupid, alright?"

"I promise." Ellie said, and then she crawled inside. Joel hurriedly circled back to the gate and waited impatiently.

Ellie was crawling along the chain-link fence, constantly checking to make sure she couldn't see anyone. There was a little house of sorts in the middle of the place, probably for the people who used to work at the scrapyard. If anyone was here, they were probably in the house. Ellie made sure one last time before dashing to the gate, struggling to get the big bar up so that the gate could open. She held it up to keep the thing from making too much sound, and Joel just opened the gate slightly before slipping inside and closing it again.

"Good job," Joel said automatically, and Ellie could feel her cheeks flush a little. She wasn't really used to being praised like that, especially not by Joel who in her mind had been formerly known as "hard-ass old guy".

"I didn't see anyone, but I figured they were probably in that house over there if there really are hunters." Ellie said, pointing in said direction. Joel nodded and tapped her shoulder to make her follow him as they snuck towards the house. They could hear voices inside through the open windows.

"Did the others say when they'd be returning?" One gruff male voice said, and a female voice replied shortly after.

"I think they should be here in about an hour or so," she said. Joel tried to figure out if those two were the only two there. He couldn't even be sure if they were actually hunters or just people like them, but speaking of the devil…

"You think they get to kill any tourists today?" The man asked, and Joel nodded a bit to himself now that he knew he could kill them without feeling too guilty about it. He gestured for Ellie to stay put as he silently hoisted himself over the ledge of the window and into the house.

"I dunno," the woman sighed. "Let's hope so. Man, I wanted to kill some too."

"You'll get to do that next week when we head out again." The man chuckled. Joel spotted the man standing against the wall in the next room, talking to the woman who was on a sofa with her legs on the table. Joel had, apparently, ended up in the kitchen. He found an empty beer bottle and tossed it as far into the next room as he could. "The fuck was that?!" The man yelled.

"Probably one of them damn rats again… I'll go check it out." The woman sighed, and Joel could hear her getting up from the couch. He saw her round a corner, and he pulled his bow and arrow out, spun the string and placed and arrow straight through the man's throat, efficiently silencing him. He just hoped the woman wouldn't hear the thud. He hung the bow over his shoulder again and pulled his pistol out, hurriedly yet silently walking in the same direction the woman had.

He rounded the corner and was met by a fist to the face. Yup, she'd heard the thud. The woman charged at him and pummeled him with her fists, and unfortunately for Joel, she was a lot stronger than he was. They wrestled over the gun, and in the end, it clattered to the floor. Joel took several punches to the ribs, and he had trouble regaining his balance and composure. Just as the woman stopped for a split second to catch her breath, Joel rammed into her and slammed her against the wall, but she was quick to mash her forehead against his nose, sending him straight to the floor. Just as she was about to pick the gun up from the floor, a gunshot was heard, and she fell to the ground.

"Shit, Joel! Are you okay?" Ellie asked as she put her gun away and rushed over to him. She helped Joel up and he tried his best to get his breath back.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," he said, brushing her hand away. "Is she dead?" He asked, and Ellie shook her head.

"I caught her in the leg." She uttered, looking a bit distraught. "Shit, I heard you fighting, and I just thought I should-"

"It's okay, Ellie. You did what you had to do." Joel said without even looking at her, and then he walked over and pulled the woman up on her feet, even though she could barely stand. She was groaning in pain, and Joel shoved her down on a chair. "Ellie, see if you can find some tape or somethin' in the kitchen."

Ellie did as she was told, and it didn't take long before she returned with just what Joel wanted. He used it to bind the woman to the chair. "What are you going to do to her?" Ellie asked nervously, knowing just how ruthless Joel could be.

"I'm going to ask her a few questions. You're not gonna wanna stick around for this. You head on out into the lot and try to find the black pickup truck Tommy talked about, alright?"

"O-Okay," Ellie nodded, and then she left. Joel sighed a little and turned to the woman.

"How many?" He asked sternly.

"W-What?" The woman groaned.

"How many others are there?!" Joel suddenly shouted, taking a step towards her.

"Why the fuck would I tell you? You're gonna kill me either way," The woman laughed, though biting her lip right afterwards to try and suppress the pain.

"You're absolutely right," Joel said. "I am going to kill you. But who's to stop me from makin' it as painfully as absolutely possible?"

"I'd like to see you try, old man." She grinned, and before she could even blink, there was a finger inside of her bullet-wound. "FUCK!" She yelled, spit getting stuck in her throat as she did so.

"Tell me how many people are comin' back here, and I'll kill you quickly." Joel said. The woman just shook her head, and Joel pushed her chair against the wall. He took out his knife and cut one of her arms loose.

"The fuck are you doing?" The woman exclaimed, and Joel grabbed her wrist and held her hand against the wall.

"Good thing this wall's made of plaster," Joel said before shoving the knife through her palm. She screamed in agony as her hand got stuck to the wall.

"FUCK! FUCK!" She screamed, shaking her head furiously. "There are twelve of them!" She shouted. A few seconds later the knife was out of her hand, and she had time to groan in pain one last time before Joel embedded the knife into her heart. He searched the two bodies and the rest of the house for anything he might need of food and ammunition, and then he hurried outside.

"Ellie?" He asked as he came into the lot, but there was no sign of her. Even though she was probably just behind some cars or something, Joel felt a pang of concern go through him. "Ellie?" He called again, louder this time.

"Over here!" Her voice called back after a while, and Joel did his best to ignore the relief that washed through him. He jogged over to where the voice had come from. Ellie was standing by a black pick-up truck that had a note with an X marked on it on the inside of the windshield, just like Tommy had said. "Man, it's a fucking miracle those assholes didn't touch it."

"Damn right," Joel huffed. He sat the bag with the parts down in front of the car and opened it up. "Oh, great. Tommy even remembered to put tools in here," he chuckled as he pulled out the few tools he needed and popped open the hood. He could easily see what parts were missing, too. He'd learned a tiny bit about broken cars in his time as a survivor.

"You think you can do something about it?" Ellie asked, curiously peering over and into the hood. She, on the other hand, did _not _know cars.

"Shouldn't be too hard," Joel said, and then he got to work. Despite what he said, he used at least thirty minutes to get the parts in place. "Ellie?" He asked once he'd finished, wiping sweat from his forehead with the heel of his hand. "Could you go inside and see if you can find anything like… pillows or mattresses or blankets?"

"Uh, sure. What for?" She asked him.

"You'll see." He chuckled. Ellie jogged inside and got to work, while Joel got in the car and started making an attempt at high-wiring the engine. It worked, miraculously, and he started driving the car slowly so that it was lined up in front of the gate in case a problem should arise. He let the engine run and then he went inside and helped Ellie get the mattresses and pillows out of the house and onto the back-part of the pickup truck. "When it's warm and all… you could lie on the back here, on a mattress, and just… relax, you know? Sound nice?" Joel stated with a voice that was much softer and kinder than the one he usually used.

"Sounds pretty awesome," Ellie mumbled, still checking the truck over. "Did you ever-" Ellie was cut off before she could say anything else by the voices on the other side of the gate. She froze completely.

"'Ey Michael!" A male voice called. "Open the gates!"

"Joel," Ellie uttered, and Joel shushed her with his finger. He closed his eyes and went into his memories, trying his best to recall that voice. That man he'd killed just forty minutes ago.

"They're early, but we'll deal with it," he said quietly, trying his best to think of something. He took a deep breath and tried to imitate the man. "Yeah, yeah, just gimme a fuckin' second man, I'm takin' a piss!"

"Well with your bladder, that's gonna take forever!" Another man from behind the gate laughed. Joel looked at the gate, and then at the car, measuring the distance between the two. He had a plan, but it was going to be difficult to pull off. He hurried to the back and placed the mattresses and pillows so that they practically covered the entire back of the truck. He pulled his backpack off and put it there too, so that he didn't carry anything heavy.

"Ellie, put your backpack here," he said, and without hesitating, she did as he said.

"Come on man, we're gettin' impatient here!"

"I'm comin'!" Joel shouted back.

"Joel, what the hell do we do?" Ellie asked, in a voice that in no way betrayed the worry she experienced.

"Get behind the wheel," he said simply. Ellie swallowed the lump in her throat.

"Fuck, really?" She asked, as if part of her wanted him to be joking.

"Yes, really. You get behind that wheel, and you get ready. When I start runnin'… you start drivin'."

"What about you, Joel?" Ellie asked with big eyes.

"Drive slowly at first. I'll get in. When that gate opens completely, you duck, and you give the gas all you got. It doesn't matter if you hit someone, you keep drivin' 'till we're out." He said with a certain grimness to his voice. She nodded hesitantly and got behind the wheel of the car that was still running.

"Hey, Joel? Be careful, okay?" She mumbled, and he nodded reassuringly. She closed the door and put her hands on the steering wheel. Joel jogged over to the gate and grabbed the heavy bar.

"Gate's openin'!" Joel shouted in the fake voice, and as soon as the bar was up, he started sprinting in Ellie's direction. He could hear the gate opening behind him, and Ellie looked completely terrified as she started driving towards Joel.

"Holy fuck, what are you doing, Joel?" She mumbled as he kept sprinting towards the car. He must have miscalculated the distance, she thought, because the gate was almost all the way up now, and she could even see the people on the other side. It wouldn't take them long to realize that something was off. She started speeding up a little. She'd rather he broke something getting in than getting shot to death because he didn't reach the car on time. And then she could hear the people who had opened the gate start shouting, lifting their guns to fire. She realized that Joel had no intentions of getting into the car. "Oh, fuck. You're going over it." She gasped.

"Come on!" Joel shouted as he leapt up on the hood of the car and dived over the roof, having to limit his jump in order not to overshoot, seeing as the car was moving in the opposite direction of him. He landed splayed out on the slightly softened back of the truck, relief washing over him as he felt the mattress beneath him. He scurried to his knees and unhooked his shotgun from his backpack, readying it in his arms. Ellie ducked down behind the steering wheel and booked it towards the gate. Luckily for them, the people there jumped out of the way but fired mercilessly at them.

Joel sat up and fired at one of them, catching him right in the chest with a shotgun shell. A few bullets rippled through the air right next to him, and he ducked down a little.

"TAKE A RIGHT!" He shouted as loud as he could, and Ellie jerked the wheel to the right and the car slid out onto the road and they hauled ass as far away from the hunters as they could. They stopped firing when they realized it was futile. Ellie kept driving for a good ten minutes, just to make sure, whilst Joel lay splayed out on the back, trying to calm his breathing. Ellie pulled over after a while and came rushing out of the car. She _definitely _hadn't calmed down while she drove.

"Holy shit!" She yelled as Joel climbed out of the trunk. "That was intense!" She continued, pacing around while muttering profanities to herself. "Man, Joel, I know you're old and shit," she breathed, and he just stood there with furrowed brows. "But that was so fucking _badass!_"

"It was, huh?" Joel huffed, brushing some dirt off his shirt.

"Hell yeah! You just… you just dived over the fucking car _while I was driving._ It was insane!" She exclaimed, a higher pitch than usual to her voice. She looked as if she was looking for something else to say, like something was on the back of her mind.

"What's wrong?" Joel asked, and Ellie took one step forwards before stopping again.

"I just… you scared the shit out of me, Joel," she said, and before he could do anything about it, she had wrapped her arms around his torso and pushed her face against his chest. "I can't lose you. I just can't. You're all I have." She said, her voice muffled by his shirt. Joel sighed a bit and put a hand on Ellie's head, ruffling her hair. It's not something he'd do before, but they were closer now. They cared about each other.

"It's okay, baby girl," he whispered, gently stroking her hair. "You won't lose me. I'll take care of you, just like always. And more importantly, I will not let anything happen to you. Ever. Can you trust me with that?"

"Yeah. I can trust you." She said with a soft smile. "More than anyone."


End file.
